Wednesday, 16 October 2013


I have been going on and on and on for years telling people they do not need to wash their chicken .
I have never washed a chicken in my life , nor has my mother who fed me for most of it and quess what ... Im STILL ALIVE and I have never ever had food poisioning.

Then I did a Hygiene in Food safety course a few years back and was educated on the reason why we dont wash our Chickens .
It spreads bacteria via the water all over your kitchen . Yep. No restaurant worth its onions would allow the washing of chickens to take place in the kitchen,  infact its against regulations .

So the next time you go to wash your slimy breasts . STOP and remember you are spreading germs that will later give you the shits and youll call in sick to work and lose a days wages . THINK.

I have posted this informative and fasinating video below ...

So guys if you know someone who is washing their chickens educate them to prevent their bacteria spreading ways.

Together we can put an end to people all over the world from washing their Chickens.

Sunday, 13 October 2013

Gastrobar @ The Ohla Hotel

Ohla Hotel Via Laitana 49

I've read that there's currently an big trend in Barcelona for 'Gastrobars' which is effectively fine dining Tapas.
 Im In.   
The fancy Tapas restaurant in question is Gastrobar inside the Ohla hotel. 
Jesus Christ do I wish I was staying in this hotel . Its Beautiful. 

I was eyeing it up when we was booking our hotel , but a grand for 3 nights was slightly over budget :O okay a lot over budget. If you have got the bucks stay there !  It has a infinity pool on the rooftop that makes me want to touch myself ..

Look at that , wow . I could cry. 

Anyway I didn't stay there so Ill just have to get over it . 
I did get to eat in their lovely Gastrobar , I had a good feeling about it , my one concern was the atmosphere and of course hotel restaurants in 5 stars hotels even with stars of their own are notoriously a bit crap. 
Some one had wrote a trip advisor review moaning about the above . 
Good Job I didn't take those comments on board . 

They have a open kitchen which we all love don't we , for obvious reasons (we'd be able to catch them picking their nose ) so lets call that hygiene trust issues and also because the chefs can see us , I'm sure seeing happy faces scoffing your grub must be for any chef working a double shift. Encouragement. 

I managed to choose a fantastic wine this time , a Chardonnay which was 26 Euro for the bottle (very reasonable ) called Enrique Mendoza from Valencia . I'm not getting nerdy on you , I kept the cork so Id remember the wine. It was that nice. 

The staff were cool , present when you need them but no pestering . To be expected but not always the way it goes. After taking our sweet time deciding what tapas combo we was to order , with my encouragement we came to a conclusion. I'm indecisive in most areas of life except when it comes to my stomach and what I want to put in it. 

First came Provolone with Cherry Tomatoes and Fresh Bread . We was advised earlier that the portions are bigger than your average tapas portions . Still ordered 7 dishes. 
The provolone . mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm yea I choose good there , bloody delicious 

We also stuffed in some croquettes , classic tapas choice.
Next came the our meat tapas , they brought dishes in twos as opposed to all at once like a most tapas bars do , which was perfect as that way everything is still hot . 

We had Lamb Neck , Iberian Pork and Veal . Lamb neck melted in your mouth , it came shredded with salad .The Iberian pork I could happily eat all day although my heart wouldn't be as happy about that I'm sure. 
Veal - I Don't get it , it was the first time I had tried it , tasted nice don't get me wrong but definitely not any better than a mature cow  , SO WHY is there celebrities such as Gordon Ramsey and Janet Street Porter Urging us to eat more Veal. ???? I understand if an animal is killed it shouldn't ever go to waste , but if that's the case why are you killing them in the first place ? Maybe I know sweet F all about this subject , please enlighten me ...... 

I enjoyed every bite of everydish we had . I was looking forward to dessert now..... 
is it going to be a fullhouse ???

YES . 
Best Chocolate Fondant I have ever eaten , and we have ordered a few over the years . Wasn't overly sweet, sickly or cakey . Do you like my use of descriptive food words, Move over Jay Rayner . 
It was so lush . As was the Icecream and Sorbets,

The atmosphere was perfect for couples or anyone wanting to catch up , even though every table was full , it wasn't loud , I could hear everything my partner was saying not what the table next to us was. It was strange , must be the design , the restaurant has a high ceiling and the tables are all curved around so everyone has a window seat. 

The other brilliant fact about this place is there was no 'you're finished now , we want you out' feel about it . Living in London I am SICK of being made to feel like you need to piss off when you're edging closer to the end of your two hour slot. Yes you are always pre-warned of this , but seriously in Tapas restaurants?! Kind of defies the point of Tapas in my opinion. 
A good is example of this is Tapas Brindisa . I love Tapas Brindisa's food but the time slot paranoia the staff have , staring over a you to see where you're at with your Chorizo every 5 minutes really is a big turn off. DID YOU HEAR THAT LONDON!? STOP IT. 

We grabbed La Cuenta and looked at the damage ... 96 Euros . Wow , I'm even happier now . Thought we had easy gone way over 100 .. that 96 included 7 share-able tapas dishes , one bottle of wine , two desserts , bread and service . We left a 20 euro tip. Then the lady serving us for most of the evening , brought the bill  back , I'm thinking did we work that out wrong ,arrrr embarrassing . Nope she came to notify us that we had left 20 euros and it was a very large tip , and was we sure !
Course we was sure ! What a lovely touch to end the meal. I'm not that naive that I don't think it could be a clever trick to leave customers really happy and appreciated but even still! I have never left a restaurant so happy. 
No one has EVER been so appreciate of a tip . EVER . 

I highly recommend this place .
 Just to note:  This isn't a biased review where the results of being in such a good mood that I'd have been elated even if presented with some cheese on toast. I was actually in a crappy mood this day and this place turned it around something not many things or people can do too easily . :) 

Londons Oldest Wine Bar

Gordons Wine Bar
47 Villiers St  City of Westminster, WC2N 6NE

I have popped my head in here many times now without actually bothering to get a drink.
 Its opposite Charing Cross station  down the street near Embankment . Its mostly full of Londoners taking their clients out in the week , you can tell by the sound of false laughter and the smell of arse kissing in the air .
 Its always heaving . They have an outside terrace which you come to before the bar entrance so you can tell how busy it is before heading inside . I have always turned back around after giving up on the prospect of one last drink and head back to Charing cross to go home. 

 It was raining on Friday night so I wasn't going to be fussy , wet bar crawls aren't the best so me and my friends settled for Gordons , we braved the crowd and squeezed our way through the masses to get to the bar. 
 The smell of Cheese was potent . The bar , oh my DIDDY DAYS . Remember GASTON from Beauty and The beast , well imagine 4 of him with various hair styles and vests sweating and you have the bar staff at Gordons that night. Wow . 
You could taste the testosterone. 

No one's been like Gaston
   A king pin like Gaston
   No one's got a swell cleft in his chin like Gaston 
  As a specimen, yes,
 I'm intimidatiting   
  My what a guy, that Gaston

Anyway .. 
The atmosphere they created was amazing , shame the stuffy customers weren't more accommodating , English aren't the best a rubbing shoulders , even if it cant be helped we still feel hard done by when others are filling our personal space, however it is slightly understandable when you're just spent a tenner on a 125ml glass of wine,  you're naturally going to give people the 'spill my wine and you will seriously know about it eyes' . 

My wine ... meh . I've had better from Wetherspoons , In all fairness I didn't choose for myself , I just said give me a french white that's nice and that's what I was given . They probably thought the amuetuer will be happy with whatever we give her. Well not really . Every wine on that list should be of a particular standard , whether its too your taste or not. 
 I LOVE wine but I'm so common with it , don't get me wrong the Jacobs Creek/Echo falls days are way behind me . I know what I like from Sainsburys . Other than that I don't actually have a clue . My rule has always been White- Chardonnay over 12.5 percent and Red -Merlot Or Tempanrillo always go down well. 
Don't Laugh. How are you supposed to remember what grapes and regions you favor when you're pissed . 
Wine tasting, Spitting is criminal . I can't bring myself to do it. 
So I need to go again , and make an informed decision on my choice of wine and maybe take a big bastad friend in there to shield me from the wine spillers . 

(Wine tip :(for home)  Put Frozen grapes in your wine if its too warm to enjoy in another words you simply cant wait the chill time and you need to get the wine in your system pronto. )

Thursday, 10 October 2013

My Blog Page Warning

Readers : If you are offended by bad grammar ,poor spelling, bad use of the English Language ,profanities , lack of knowledge on the subject in question and excessive rambling then this blog is most certainly not for you .

If you dislike pretentious irritating mass following twitter tweeting brown nosing off putting evening standard reading foodies, but share a love for Food , Booze, life , and sharing your experiences then we are going to get on just fine. Stay with me and we can discuss the joys and moan about the woes of the world together .

 All the best . Me.


 C / Bellafila , 5 , 08002 Barcleona 5

I actually had reservations elsewhere , yes I'm one of those Arseholes that book tables I don't make , which inevitably caused the NO RESERVATIONS trend in London , thankfully it hasn't gone that way in Barcelona , yet . I Think I might be tempting them with my no shows.
 So. Why didn't you go to your reserved tables I hear you say . Well let me explain a restaurant called Gelonch was my first choice, it looked and sounded great but I just didn't fancy tiny gastronomic portions , causing the waitress/waiter to spend a lot of time explaining the details of what I'm about to eat in 5 seconds flat.
   Then Casa Calvet the restaurant of the Gaudi Building , highly spoke of .... mostly on Trip advisor I feared this was a infamous TRIP.ADVISOR.TRAP. It had all the classic signs . Very tempting was the inexpensive taster menu 56euro including coffee , service and water! So I was led to believe that the good write ups on T.A could come from the value for money more so than the quality of the cooking. You're always going to be less fussy when the bill comes in at 130Euro than 250 right?

Then I found some YouTube videos that had been made, they were showing the chefs at Casa Calvet constructing their dishes , I'm sure these promos were created to entice the viewer to dine however for me it did quite the opposite .
 It looked as if the dishes were designed to be made with MINIMAL effort , it wasn't just that, they put these mysterious blobs of what appeared to be the same green and red cold liquids on EVERY DISH!
Signature Blobs!?!
Desserts, Lamb , a Stuffed Artichoke starter .. those blobs just kept on making an appearance . It was a cause for concern . Its never a good thing when the chefs obsessed with the same flavours, maybe I'm being harsh or simply missing the point... so I'm calling out to all the diners of Casa Calvet , what are these mysterious blobs ?

 So after swerving the Gastronomic fine dining and the old classic with added blobs I found myself at the last minute searching for a restaurant online when I came across Pla . I liked the fact I hadn't come across this place online yet . The more frequently a restaurant is plastered online is not , I repeat NOT necessarily a positive , well certainly not in my experience . I have see many London restaurant guides guiding unfortunate tourists to extremely AVERAGE restaurants whilst failing to mention some of our best , which shouldn't be difficult considering we have so many. Its as if the best ones are kept secret for the locals .

 Sorry to Ramble , I am going to get to the point of this post I promise.
So. Pla. As I hadn't  pre-planned  my route I had to find it the old school way , a hotel tourist map and asking anyone willing to help/send me in the wrong direction/confuse me more . After three hotels receptionists were badgered we finally made our way down some twisting alley in the Gothic quarter to Pla.
 The adventure sobered me up and built up a fantastic appetite . As we had no reservation we was seated at the bar while the man that greeted us planned to accommodate . Cosy, Warm , Romantic , buzzing , Im thinking I've made a good choice here .....
 Selected the cheapest white on the menu , a Chardonnay  which was corked ,which the warm staff promptly and politely replaced , however the next bottle although not corked was way too much a sweet wine to the point that I actually think it may have been more at home on the dessert wine list, but hey maybe I shouldn't have been tight in opting for the lesser expensive wine available. Half an hour passed and we was seated , it was getting late (for English Folk ) to be eating , it was around 11pm and I was pretty tipsy , and ready to indulge.
We ordered our starters , I ordered the special of shredded Duck , and my partner ordered the Monkfish . My Duck. Yum Yum Yum Yum Yummo , Yum , Yes please . The Crispy Duck came sprinkled over a bed of Parmentier fondant potato with Girolles , Nuts and herbs , I'm not sure what the dressing was , my palate isn't as that trained as yet  , but what I do know is it tasted amazing. Autumn loveliness. My Partners Monkfish was almost as good.

 Mains .. I ordered the Tuna , My partner choose the Beef . My tuna was seared , marinated beautifully and had just enough posh noodle salad to accompany , the tomato sauce on the plate was nice but I wasn't as keen on the Black Olive puree , but hey that's a matter of taste. In this case my partners dish stole the show , beautifully cooked Fillets in a mouth watering Gravy. It was my turn to be jealous of the choice.
 I then eat dessert alone , I had the Peach Tarte Tatin , not your classic Tarte Tatin which upset me slightly  I must admit .I don't believe such a dessert needs to be 'versioned'.  Also The Tarte was served with a very bitter sorbet instead of Cream or Custard which would have been much more welcomed. Not totally bad at all just not what I wanted.

Service was friendly and laid back in such a natural way , not like when the staff have been instructed to take the relaxed approach and it seems  hideously forced.  Genuine that's the word I am looking for. Pla is genuine and I loved it .
When I return I will order a better bottle of Plonk and choose a different less classic dessert.

The Beef in a sexy Gravy.

My Duck and Mushrooms

                   My Tuna (I tucked in before realising I hadn't yet snapped)

When It comes to Pics posted on my Blog , Readers - please note I don't have the most fancy camera , its a Nikon cool pix that cost 50 quid from Argos. It will never do the dishes justice. 
Restaurants and your chefs - Please forgive me for bad lighting pics of your beautiful dishes , I don't want to be seen as another annoying bad food photographer and get under your skin. 
Thanks !